Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Internet Dating. The New Modern form of Arranged Marriage?

It's crazy, isn't it? This modern, high tech version of dating that we have progressed into. In fact, I think in some ways, I may even compare it to the antiquated arranged marriages. Seriously folks, in years past and in some cultures currently, the parents of both the bride and groom finitely choose who in theory, they believe would be the best fit for their child. Sometimes they even hire expert matchmakers to come in and determine who is best suited based on the earnings of the parents, the hierarchal ancestry, the education, physical beauty, and overall health. The only thing that isn't necessarily taken into consideration, is attraction and chemistry. Really, "love".

So, here we are in the modern era, essentially going online and doing the same thing. And, instead of your mother and grandmother popping in their two cents about Little Bobby (who has a drooling problem) being the catch of a lifetime because his father owns the bank, instead you have the computer database linking attributes that would make two people potentially compatible. Now, the good news is this: with computer dating, you can see that Little Bobby has the drooling problem based on the wet mark on his shirt in his profile picture. There is no need to proceed further, all the information you need is presented, despite his father's best efforts!

So, we put our information out there, into never-never land and hope that someone with good, strong genes, that doesn't smoke or do drugs, who wants 2 kids (a boy and a girl), will pop up with a good picture, a pleasing voice and then... finally, pheromones to die for! A sense of humor that you actually understand, the bonus! But, what exactly are we getting when we do this? Do we really have the opportunity to meet our "soulmate", or are we potentially missing out on our one and only because we are too busy perusing profiles on Plenty of Fish?

The single most important question that I have is this: Are you being authentic when you describe yourself? Do you have the ability to see yourself accurately? Yes! And, of course not! We all want to be honest about who we are, at least, some of us do... hahaha... But, having the ability to be honest is a totally different story, because we are such multi-dimensional human beings. We could have a friend write our profiles for us, but then we would only have the perspective that they see in us, tainted by their judgments both good and bad, and the parts of us that we show them, not necessarily the perspective that a future love interest would see. We all know that we are a bit chameleon by nature, different people bring out different sides of us. So then, what if we choose to interview several close friends and relatives, get a very well-rounded perspective that may show us accurately in 3-D? Couple that with our own inner sanctuary of thoughts, feelings, and ideas and what we choose to share. That, I think, is the only way to really be 100% accurate in our assessments. Then bears the question, what about the people that don't have a lot of close friends (or any?) or living relatives that can help them out with this advanced profiling technique? I guess they're just S.O.L. Darn. I may have wanted to "wink" at them, but not now that I don't really get to know them before I meet them....

I know what you are thinking... Melanie is jaded. However, that isn't really true, not entirely that is. I'm not jaded. I do believe in love. And, I also believe that in some cases, internet dating is an exceptional way to meet people. I'm actually doing the "online" thing currently, as I have in the past. I think I just have different questions this time around. Want to hear them? Okay, I'll share with you my questions that I ask myself, yes, I said myself, NOT them.

How do I feel when I talk with them?

When I'm looking into their eyes, do I sense sincerity? Attraction? Discomfort? Ease?

What does my stomach say?

What is my very first reaction upon meeting them?

Do I feel comfortable, does conversation come easy?

Can I imagine being naked with them??? (Would I feel confident in my own skin? Would I want to rub skin and pink parts at some point in the relationship?)

Am I interested enough to know more that I am willing to sacrifice my precious time in order to share it with them. If I hesitate even a little, then the answer is no. And, although I may see them once more to confirm the suspicion, there is no sense wasting anyones time in dragging out the inevitable.

Listening to my inner voice is fundamental in finding a love that fits, whether you meet the man on Match.com or whether your Great Aunt Susan sets you up. It will tell you everything you will ever need to know. And, from what I understand, if you listen carefully, your would-be partner will too...

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