Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Advantages of Being "Un-Friended"

The word of the year is "un-friend". How about that? Isn't it interesting that a word that has so many negative connotations can become a "word of the year?" So, I want to share a story about being un-friended and perhaps it will help you with keeping perspective as it did me.

It's hard sometimes to not get upset when you are un-friended through resources such as facebook and myspace. This recently happened to me and even though the un-friending took place by someone that I was wanting to un-friend myself, it still stung. You see, this person and I have had a very tumultuous relationship. And, as much as I didn't see her as someone I wanted to associate with on a personal, one-on-one level, I did want to maintain some sort of acquaintance. I didn't want to burn any bridges or hurt any feelings, and frankly, I wanted to be able to be social with her if I saw her out and about. That being said, our last encounter was one that I still sometimes find myself replaying in my mind, trying to make sense out a narcissistic mess! So today I pondered what it meant to me that she didn't even want to be friends with me via a social networking site.

And, then the weight lifted.

I realized that I have been asking the Universe to put people into my life that will help me grow and become better. People that will mirror both my strengths and weaknesses. I want to surround myself with other seekers and ones that aren't afraid of what they find out about themselves. People that will be proactive in making necessary corrections. And, the Universe is answering my prayers. The people that need to be in my life for me to live out my purpose, are the people that are in it in every present moment. And that means that its okay for people to filter in and out when its appropriate. In essence, the Universe did a little weeding for me. And, as with any growth, it can sometimes be painful or touchy, but none-the-less beneficial.

So, next time you want to "un-friend" someone, or they "un-friend" you, think of it as the Universe's way of helping you get out of a relationship that no longer serves you. Helping you to focus on growing your garden, not just weeds!

Friday, November 27, 2009

We Aren't Perfect

But, we're perfect in our imperfections. Someone said that to me one time in answer to my question of why people do bad things.

Why do people do bad things? Why is it that sometimes we even KNOW that its bad, and we still can't stop ourselves from doing it. The next question is, who decided that it was bad?

I'm just going to let you pause for a moment to absorb that last question...

Did someone a long time ago make a list of "rights" and "wrongs," and then sell the package to mainstream earth? Or did it come about organically, based on the consensus of the times and the needs of the people?

I've noticed that in the last 100 years the definitions of what is "right and wrong" has certainly evolved. Funny, similar concept with me... And you? Have you found that your ideas about what are right and wrong have grown, changed, mutated, become blurry or otherwise as you have enjoyed and detested the world around you? As the hair on your head becomes thinner and the inevitable grays become thicker, are the ideas and beliefs thinning and thickening as well?

In the early 1900's, us women were choosing to have full and equal responsibilities as that of men. At some point, that choosing became demanding and the demanding became fighting for our rights for equality. In the 1960's, Black Americans stood up and fought for their rights. Currently, Gay Americans are demanding equality as well, and thankfully starting to actually make some headway! Years back, this wouldn't have even been thought possible. People wouldn't have even thought twice about bigotry towards women, minorities, and homosexuality. But now, people are coming together and demanding a new precedent be set for what is "right and wrong"! I am thrilled to see justice be served and our brothers and sisters be given opportunities that never should have been excluded from them in the first place!

So, right and wrong... What is it that you have to be so dog-gone right about, right now? Because maybe someday very soon, you'll change your mind.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Get What You Want!

Will Smith says that he lives his life without a Plan B. He says that when you have a Plan B it diverts your attention from Plan A, the plan that you really want to manifest. Will Smith is a genius.

We can live our lives having back-up plans for when things don't go as planned, but when we do that, we give the Universe an "out". If we focus on what we want, we get it (or sometimes something even better that we didn't even know we should want). When we focus on something we don't want, we get that too. So, if we are focusing on Plan A, but giving attention to Plan B, I think the Universe may get a little confused as to what we really want, don't you?

So, first you really need to decide what you want. Many of us out there have no real definitive clue as to what we want. We know what we don't want. We have some vague ideas about what we want and maybe even some ideas about how to get what we want. But really, when it comes down to it, the Universe doesn't reward vagueness. It rewards specific, measureable beliefs and desires. So, figure out what you want.

I suggest writing it down, handwritten or typed and go through everything that pops into your head. If you are wanting to know what you want regarding your job, focus on things that within that scope. Likewise, if you are focusing on material possessions, during the exercise keep with the possessions and don't deviate unless your Higher Self dictates to you that you are masking with "stuff" what you really want and need. And then, you may realize that you have just experienced a life-altering breakthrough-- but that's a whole 'nother blog!

After you have written everything down that comes to mind, begin the pruning process. For a tree to grow and bear lots of luscious fruit, it needs to be pruned and tended. The same is true for getting what you want. So, prune your document. Start by converting all of the sentences that are in a negative format into a positive expression. For example, if you were to say "I don't want to work for anyone else ever again!" Perhaps you could rephrase it to something like, "I choose/want to be self-employed". Line by line, recreate into a positive format all of your wants.

Then, eliminate all of the things that are redundent. You don't need to say the same thing over and over to get the results you desire. What you do need is to clarify anything on your list to be as specific as possible.

After you finish fine-tuning your list, it's time to give it status. Print out your list onto nice paper with a font that appeals to you, or handwrite it in your best writing and then put it somewhere that you can easily see it and keep it in your awareness on a regular basis. It's important to reflect on it and perhaps even fine-tune it further as you get closer and closer to manifesting what you want.

And lastly, you need to begin to ACT on these WANTS. Life if full of motion, not stagnation. When things are stagnant, they disease and die, when things are in action, they flourish and prosper. So, begin by acting. If you are wanting to be loved, for example, be loving (Dalai Lama). If you are wanting to work within a certain field, volunteer, go back to school for the education, read books on the subject, turn in your resume` to prospective employers... ACT, DO, CREATE, LEARN, INSPIRE!!! Go forth and put your wants into form!

Sometimes it is only with time that we are able to really be clear as to what we want, but until we start doing the exercises towards that understanding, we will only get leftovers, otherwise known as, Plan B.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Secondary Gain

What are we to do when our identities get so intertwined with our physical and emotional ailments? Consciously, we don't want to have the "issue", but unconsciously, there may be another strategy going on. It's called Secondary Gain. There is a part within many of us that really needs something that is produced by the issue. For example, someone who is on disability may hear about the latest technology that will heal them and allow them to live a full and productive life. Well, as much as on the surface one would without fail think that that would be fantastic, the undercurrent dilemma, however, could be really challenging to manipulate. Now you have a person who will need to go back into the work force, rather than accepting the disability checks each month. Even if the person isn't lazy, the potential fears of not being good enough, having to interact with others again, possible job retraining, etc... would be enough to create some hesitation and anxiety about healing.

Secondary gain isn't something that people generally think about and plan around, because it is largely unconscious. And, it is the underlying motivator of WHY we do WHAT we do. At this point, we need to dig deep into the subconscious mind and clear the negative motivators so that they will forfeit their hold, allowing us to achieve our goals. At least, this is one theory.

Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, believes that our energy system in the body changes polarity and therefore does a reversal. He calls this phenomen "Psychological Reversal" or PR. Until we can reverse the polarity, we will continue to get opposite results of what we think we want. For more information about his excellent theories and treatments, check out his website

My theory is that it is a combination of both. Emotionally clearing the roadblocks is just as essential as making sure you're not trying to drive the wrong way down a one-way street! Although, sometimes once your heading the "right way", the emotional roadblocks go away!

So, think about something you would like to be different in your life. What is it? What has prohibitted you from making the change? What could you gain from NOT making the change? What could you lose? What would you gain from making the change? What would you lose from making the change? Who will support you in making the change? Who will be against it?

As you look deeply into your issue you would like to change, what do you see? What do you feel in your body? Where do you feel it? Are there baby steps that could help make the transition smoother? Would it be beneficial to have a coach or mentor to model? If so, please feel free to contact me for a free e-mail consultation ( or for a referral to someone who is certified in your area.

Good luck in making these positive changes in your life! You can do it!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

"There is no key to happiness, the door is always open"

Happiness, sometimes such a fickle emotion. So many things that drift through our realities can dictate whether or not someone is happy. A small shift, a funny look, a coarse word, a bad driver... all these things can take our off your happiness course in a matter of seconds. If you let it!

Hormones, in my world, are my greatest enemy when it comes to fluctuating mood! And, part of what helps me to stay happy even through those dark, PMS-ing days, is to recognize that it is hormones and not some universal force that has decided to gang up on me and make me hate the world! I laugh as I write this, because the dangers of PMS are a worldwide phenomenon that most people can relate to! And, I am not impervious to all the negative emotions that counter happiness... not by a stretch!

Back to recognizing... when we take the time to understand ourselves, our cycles, our triggers, our "best times" of the day and our "worst times" of the day, we can then formulate strategies that help us to improve upon them and even overcome.

For example, my parents are my very best friends and my constant support system. They are the people that I depend on the most. They are also the people that can push my buttons like no other! I suppose when you know someone so well, it's easy to know the dark parts too, and for they to know yours. Recently, I was talking with my father on the phone and both of us at some point stopped listening to one another and started creating assumptions. And that, my friend, is when the trouble started. We started yelling at each other over the phone and even going as far as to use obscenities. At some point, it dawned on me that he had been hitting my buttons, not because he was intentionally trying to provoke me, just because he had his own set of patterns and I was triggering him with mine! Once I had the conscious awareness that that was what was happening, I was able to soften my tone and allow myself to fully listen to him before responding. Once he felt heard, he was able to reciprocate by listening to me. That was when we were able to acknowledge that we were both wrong in our assumptions of what the other was trying to communicate. One phone call, totally spun out of control and then back into balance just by recognizing what was happening.

Sometimes the recognition comes too late. Our triggers run deep, friends. We have some pretty solid patterns of behavior that take time and conscious awareness to to get control of. But, we have the ablility to gain that control, one day at a time, one awareness at a time.

Happiness is one of the things we can become more and more aware of and make conscious choices to become. If our lives are full of unhappiness, notice what small, incremental changes we can employ to dive into a life of happiness instead! Complete change takes time, so creating the expectation that happiness from unhappiness will happen overnight is unrealistic. That's not to say that it can't happen, just that more often than not it takes a conscious effort of paying attention and fine tuning your behavior and life choices as you go.

Happiness is a journey, but one that has amazing pitstops along the way, some of which will be so frustrating that they can only be there to help us to better notice and be grateful for the golden ones. Go and enjoy your journey of being happy!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Getting Congruent

So tell me, or more importantly, tell yourself, with what and how are you being incongruent in your life?

What areas specifically do you wish you could change? How specifically would you like to change? What is preventing you from moving forward and becoming congruent with the person that within your heart and soul you know you were meant to be?

These questions are good to implore the spirit and clarify who and what you are in this world. Our inward representation of ourselves is just as important as our outward representation. When you start digging deep within, asking the tough questions and allowing the honest answers to come forth, you will notice that you will begin to see patterns. Once you can recognize the behavior patterns, where they are in sync with who you really are, and where they are incongruent, you will then have the ability to make positive changes!

We have the ability to manifest our greatest good. Sometimes it is necessary to gain help from a trained therapist and other times we are able to make the changes in ourselves just by becoming aware that the change is needed.

I trust that as you go through your process of self-analysis you will notice the nuances that make you special, the gifts that you have that set your importance in the world apart from others, and the changes that will be so easy for you to make as you awaken!

Now is the time to start taking responsibility for your life with action!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Norah Jones elicits a Feeling

It's interesting to me how listening to certain tunes, such as Norah Jones, or watching certain movies can elicit reactions in us. Sometimes those reactions are emotional. Sometimes they are physical.

Eckhart Tolle would say that the "Pain Body" is being alerted and fed. I've been exploring what that means to me, in my life, and I can agree that he is on to something. I feel the way the mood of the music, for example, reminds me of things that may be better left alone. Do I really need to have a mood settle over me that reminds me of the loss of my marriage? Is that healthy? Is it healing the pain of the loss or is it feeding it? As I sit here in a mild state of melancholy, I believe that having those feelings re-awakened that I have been working hard at letting go and being at peace with, is not for my greatest good.

So, now my consciousness is inviting me to be proactive with my emotional states. Requesting that I choose carefully the information that I want to absorb.

Think about what triggers your "pain body" and then start the process of letting go.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Do We Have a Purpose?

I have felt all of my life that there is a divine purpose for each and every one of us. In fact, I believe this so strongly that my entire life focus has been about helping people to extract their essential purpose! The idea that we are here just existing, or maybe not, and then we die into nothingness, just doesn't resonate as a truth to me.

Recently, the idea was presented to me that perhaps this was only my personal delusion... that in fact, maybe there really isn't any reason for us to be here and there really isn't anything that we must do.

Think about that for a moment...

Frankly, I have been lost in thinking about it, feeling it, praying about it to my idea of a Higher Power. And, in this moment, I think I have come to the conclusion that perhaps he is right, it IS my delusion. And, my purpose here is to have this delusion and be supportive and helpful to others' with similar delusions.

In essence, we are both right and we are both wrong. If I remain too wrapped up in my delusion that it prevents me from moving forward, it puts me into a consistent judgmental space of right and wrong, and it presupposes that everyone out there has my same delusion, then I am missing the point about who I am in this world and what I am here to do (based on my delusion)!

So, I'd ask you to ponder this. What is your delusion? Is it holding you back from manifesting what you want to experience here? Or, is it propelling you forward to what your definition of "greatness" is?

You matter. We all matter. Be it my delusion or not, I am proud that I believe that.

Please share with me your thoughts or comments. I would love to dialogue with any of you who may come upon this blog!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Getting Congruent

If you consider your life, how you live it, who you share it with, and what matters about it, consider the congruency or lack of congruency within it. Are you living the life that "fits"? Does it feel right? Are you always finding that others are doing things to you that you have no control over? Do you believe that where you live is holding you back from being the person you were meant to be? Do you find yourself angry often, but when you look at the reasons why you are angry and really step outside of the situation, you see that you are reacting to something out of proportion with the actual event?

All of these things effect our congruency in our life. Anthony Robbins, the father of "life coaching", said "Your decisions are what shape your destiny." What kind of decisions are you making? Are you soley thinking about what is best for you? Or are you taking into consideration a more global perspective, or at a very minimum, the familial perspective? Our actions directly affect others. Period. The decisions that we make now are the catalysts for changing our universe. Sound big? Sound unrealistic? Well, it isn't. It's a complete truth. What we do, where we go, how we choose to live our lives in conjunction with others directly influences the world we live in. So, upon inspection of your life, are you living congruent with your deepest core values?

Consider this as one example of becoming congruent, a friend of mine and her husband were very up and coming. They were making a name for themselves within our community as successful real estate investors. They were living a rich life full of family and fun, mostly debt-free and happy.

However, the friends that they shared their spare time with chose to not have jobs, to live off of welfare, in rundown rental houses and apartments. They enjoyed using recreational drugs as well as the benefits of frequent and excessive alcohol consumption. They talked about what they did in high school, local and global gossip, and what the new technology was creating for stimulating video games such as Grand Theft Auto. These people weren't bad people, just lackadaisical and uninspired with life.

I asked my friend one day, not out of judgment just base curiosity, what drew and kept her to being friends with these folks. I was curious because they weren't the sort that were challenging, uplifting, spiritually nurturing or anything else positive that I could really see that was aligned with who I saw her to be in this world. She wasn't really sure of the answer. In fact, it initially was upsetting to her. Later on though, she and her husband talked about it and they realized that they were remaining friends with these people mostly out of a shared history and habit. They were frequently frustrated by this group of friends lack of interest in the world we live in or having much of a contribution to it. When they finally saw the big picture, they realized it was time for them to move forward in their lives in a positive, intelligent way. They invited their friends to "grow up" with them, but that wasn't to happen, so they parted ways fairly peacefully.

Now, I never put her friends down. People are people and it takes a variety to make the world interesting, but something in my questioning of their relationship lifted a veil from my friends eyes and she saw them in a different way. She knew that although there were benefits to the friendship (in this case, they were the big fish in the small pond and it made their egos feel good), but ultimately, these were not people who were aligned with her core values and they would not help her as she grows and learns in this world. And, she realized that that was important to her.

She and her husband have since cultivated fresh relationships with neighbors, other investors and people along the way that they have positive, reciprocal relationships with. They are active examples of people who are striving to live with congruency.

As we learn who we are on the inside, what matters to us and what our contribution is, we can actively reflect that on the outside. Choosing our friendships, our mentors, our advisers, what activities we do, where we go, what we listen to, read about, watch on television, these are all ways in which to become more congruent with who we really are. We are an active work in progress. Small incremental positive changes in whichever direction we need to go, is precisely what we need to do to create mammoth positive changes in ourselves and the world over time!

I challenge you to go forth and live congruent with you core values!